Jokes You Can Use:
A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall and idly picking his teeth. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy,
“How much money do you make a week?”
A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, “I make a little over $400 dollars a week, why?
The CEO said,”Wait right here.”
He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, “Here’s four weeks’ pay. Now GET OUT and don’t come back.”
Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked,
“Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?”
From across the room a voice said,
“Sure – he was the Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s and was just waiting to collect the money!”
A man went to a pet shop looking to buy a parrot. The shop had several parrots but one was priced much lower than the others. When the man asked why one was so much cheaper than the others, the pet shop owner assured the man that he did not want the cheaper one because it had a very foul mouth.
“I’ve tried everything, but I can’t get him to stop cussing”, he explained.
Eager to save some money, the man bought the parrot, sure he could teach the bird not to cuss. He too tried everything to stop the parrot’s foul mouth.
Finally, in frustration, he put the bird in the freezer to cool off. After a few minutes, he opened the freezer to find the parrot with a totally changed attitude.
“Please, I’ll NEVER cuss again! Please let me out! By the way, what did the chicken do?”
KID: Why is some of your hair white dad?
DAD – Every time you make me unhappy , one of my hairs turns white.
KID: Now I understand why grandpa’s hair is all white!
After a talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.”
“But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer.
“I know,” says the sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.”
A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything under one roof’ department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?”
The kid says “Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota.”
Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he’d give him a shot, so he gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor. “How many customers bought something from you today?”
The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, “One”.
The boss says “Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you’d like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you’re not on the farm anymore, son.”
The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), “So, how much was your one sale for?”
The kid looks up at his boss and says “$101,237.65”.
The boss, astonished, says “$101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?”
The kid says, “Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition.”
The boss said “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?”
The kid said “No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot, you should go fishing.’
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, ‘Why don’t you eat the peanuts yourself?’
‘We can’t chew them because we’ve no teeth’, she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, ‘Why do you buy them then?’
15 Jobs that just don’t exist
- Human Alarm Clock
- Pre-Radar Listener for Enemy Aircraft
- Rat Catcher
- Bowling Pin Setter
- Chimney Sweep
- Ice Cutter
- Switchboard Operator
- Gandy Dancer
- Log Driver
A Day in the Life of Americans
This is how America runs.
Each dot represents a person, color represents the activity, and time of day is shown in the top left. As someone changes an activity, say from sleep to a morning commute, the dot moves accordingly.
Why your brain is so bad at planning for the future
Lately, scientists have come up with an intriguing hypothesis for why some people keep failing at long-term planning — they view their future selves as strangers. In fact, the more you view your future self as a distinct entity from your current self, the more likely you are to put off tasks (like saving for retirement) that will benefit you in the long term.
10 Etiquette Rules You’re Probably Breaking
You leave your elbows off the dinner table and understand the importance of a nice, firm handshake. Congrats! You’re a generally well-mannered person. But do you know which hand you should wave with? Or which seat to offer your boss in the back of a town car? There are tons of little-known etiquette rules that most people break every single day. Etiquette expertJoy Weaver, author of How to Be Socially Savvy in All Situations, lets us in on the 10 most common blunders—and provides a crash course on being proper.
2016 Goals Calendar: A Printable Planner for Tweens With Executive Functioning Issues
Middle School Science Minute
Humidity in the Classroom
I was recently reading the April/May, 2015 issue of “Science Scope,” a magazine written for middle school science teachers, published by the National Science Teachers Association.
In this issue, I read the column, “Scope on Safety” written by Ken Roy, director of health and safety for Glastonbury Public Schools in Glastonbury, Connecticut. Within the column is the popular “Question of the Month.” This month’s question is:
“The air in my science lab is very dry in winter months. Is there a recommended guide for the humidity level?”
From the Twitterverse:
|Mark Dunk @unklar|
|Mary Wade @mary_teaching
Can we find deeper learning on Pinterest? An open letter from a teacher. http://honorsgradu.com/an-open-letter-to-pinterest-from-a-teacher/?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=mary_teaching&utm_content=An%20Open%20Letter%3A%20To%20Pinterest%2C%20from%20a%20Teacher … #5thchat #plpnetwork #pypchat
|✜ Stephen Ransom @ransomtech
Do you impede learning with redundancy? “Why Your Students Forgot Everything On Your PowerPoint Slides” https://larrycuban.wordpress.com/2016/01/02/why-your-students-forgot-everything-on-your-powerpoint-slides-mary-jo-madda-2/ …
|Paul McGuire @mcguirp|
|Larry Ferlazzo @Larryferlazzo
My NEW @educationweek post:Teaching Science to English Language Learners http://blogs.edweek.org/teachers/classroom_qa_with_larry_ferlazzo/2016/01/response_teaching_science_to_english_language_learners.html … w/ @donnascience
|#mschat every Thursday at 8:00 pm Eastern Standard Time. And as Troy says, “The Twitter never stops!”|
How to Make a Quiz Work Harder for You
Assessments should give us loads of information about what our students understand, what they don’t understand, and how well we’ve taught them.
It took me years of teaching before I realized I was using my tests and quizzes to sort out, reward and punish my students, rather than measure and inform my teaching. I needed to make my assessments work harder for me.
15 Good Tools for Quickly Gathering Feedback from Students
Polls, chat tools, and interactive quizzes provide good ways to hear from all of the students in a classroom. These kind of tools allow shy students to ask questions and share comments. For your more outspoken students who want to comment on everything, a feedback mechanism provides a good outlet for them too. Here’s a run-down of some of the best tools for gathering feedback from students in real-time.
60 Non-Threatening Formative Assessment Techniques
Rare Historical Photos
Includes the story behind each photo. Powerful photos of a variety of events. Check out “The List” page.
The Living Room Candidate
Lessons have been designed for use by high school teachers and students. Each lesson meets national common core standards in English Language Arts and New York State standards in Social Studies, which are specified at the end of each lesson.
10 Websites You Need To Visit If You Want To Become Smarter
Good resources for teachers to use in a variety of ways.
Things You Should Say to Raise Smart Kids Who Think for Themselves
By Dr. Dana Suskind
The most important thing any parent can do for their children is to have conversations with them, starting the day they’re born. While genetics supply the blueprints, how much children achieve is largely determined by how and how much parents talk and interact with them.
Random Thoughts . . .